Wanted.
Never
caught.
Meet AEZAKMI. Just a cat. Not an inu, not a dog, not your financial advisor. Five stars on his head and somehow the cops never show up. Some say if you type his name, they forget yours.
8zU1Aui8RuyYBMqQZxYBdVtiT5fp76FBs3EgqzQmpump
● LIVE FROM THE PRECINCT
The scanner is going crazy.
Source: a guy at the station.
CASE FILE — UNSOLVED
The bounty.
Every detective in the city has stared at this number. None of them figured it out. Most of them bought a bag anyway.
Solved it? Don't say it in the chat. Snitches get stitches.
It's not a price. Nobody prices a cat in Bitcoin with that many dots.
Ignore the dots. Read it like an American would. Month first.
His name isn't a name. A generation of gamers typed it to make the cops forget them.
Ask anyone in VICE City what they're waiting for. CLASSIFIED
The rap
sheet.
Charges filed by the arresting officer. Officer has since quit and joined the crew.
Bail was set. Bail was not paid. Bail was converted to $AEZAKMI.
Defendant's statement: "meow."
STEP-BY-STEP ACCOMPLICE TRAINING
How to commit the crime.
Get a burner
Download Phantom (or any Solana wallet). Write the seed phrase down. Tell no one. Especially not the feds.
Load the getaway car
Buy SOL on an exchange and send it to your wallet. Small bills only.
Do the swap
Paste the CA into pump.fun (or any Solana DEX) and swap SOL for $AEZAKMI. Act natural.
Don't snitch
Hold. Never sell to a cop. Paper hands lose all five stars.
The sentence.
Roadmap, as handed down by a judge who also holds.
ARRESTED
Launch. Website. X account. Mugshot goes viral.
BAIL POSTED
Dex paid. Trending on the scanner. The whole block knows.
JAILBREAK
CoinGecko. CMC. A tunnel dug with a spoon.
THE BIG DAY
The bounty already told you when. Be there.
Witness statements.
"I bought $AEZAKMI and my wanted level went up."
"We have no comment at this time."
"meow."
"I've been waiting for that date longer than you."
For conspiracy to send it. Reward: a seat in the getaway car next to the cat. Approach with a full wallet.